For Only $18M, You Can Officially Own The Scarface Mansion

Wait..you expect me to write more?  Why on earth are you still reading!?  Rip open that mattress, cash in those artfully stacked cocaine bricks you’ve been decorating your living room with.  What’s $18 million in the face of destiny?  Get out there and get what’s comin’ to you, Chico.  The World is Yours! (Provided, of course, the price tag doesn’t break your balls.  Don’t break your balls for no one).

Unfortunately, after you sell most of your internal organs you’re going to have to kiss your dreams of cruising in a convertible down Miami Boulevard goodbye, as the 10,000 square-foot druglord palace is actually located in Los Angeles.  But don’t be too disappointed–the digs themselves are more than worth the change of scenery.

El Furedis (the actual name of the grounds) was originally built in 1906 by famed architect Bertram Goodhue, whose credits include the Nebraska State Capitol and the Los Angeles Central Library.  Since construction it’s played host to an eclectic parade of homeowners ranging from Nobel Prize-winning author Thomas Mann to Mark Cuban.  It’s also known for its lovely greenkeeping.  You know those iconic palm trees littered around the Jungle Cruise in Disney World?  Yup, those were organically grown on Tony Montana’s stomping grounds.  Just think of what they must have put in the plant food…

Among its many fine amenities are 4 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms, a central atrium, a swimming pool, a rooftop lounge–oh, and an indoor fountain, obviously.  It’s worth keeping in mind that the grounds have also been renovated since Scarface’s 1983 filming, so who knows what insanity Mr. Shark Tank has added in the last few years.  Is it too much to hope to ask for an airplane hangar?

Heck, for $18 million he’d probably throw in your very own Tommy Gun.  What’s $18 million for the chance to invite Justin Bieber to a yoga party and introduce him to your little friend?